Random thoughts from inside the mind of this idiot the past few days...

Random thoughts from inside the mind of this idiot the past few days:

·        *I really want to tell the fat fuck riding around in the motorized shopping cart to walk; it might actually help them shed a few calories. 

·        *The younger ladies working downtown in their professional attire can be quite sexy. They keep their blouses unbuttoned just enough to expose their cleavage while wearing the short but not too short skirts with heels. They know exactly what they are doing when dressing like this… showing just enough to be a sultry fantasy versus viewed as slutty. I need to have sex with this type of woman in this style of outfit.

Holy Shit! I am getting old.

                As I stood there in flip-flops, feet soaked in mud from the torrential downpours of rain at the West Seneca Community Days beer tent the other night; I realized that “Holy shit, I’m getting old!” I am 34 years old, a divorced father; I don’t want to be one of those parents that just have random “Strange” (For those of you that do not know, Strange is a reference to random one night hook ups from Two and a half Men)around my son. Sure I am fond of looking at the hot pieces of ass in their early 20’s just as much as the next guy, but the thought of ever treating one of them other than a one night stand kind of makes me cringe. I had a similar thought a few weeks earlier at the beach, but now I think that it is actually setting in.

The Drunkest Weekend of my life... Part 2

Day 2:

                7:30AM: KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! I wake up look at the alarm clock, damn it’s early. But Black and MF arrive in Pittsburgh. Let the festivities begin! I get up, answer the door to let the boys in then proceed to take a piss and crack my first beer of the day. Now, we all realize what kind of day this is going to be when you are cracking open the first beer of the day shortly after 7am after only 3 or so hours of sleep. I’m not exactly sure that all of the alcohol from the previous day has exited my system, but whatever… its concert day. I then go on to the continental buffet as I need to get something into my system if I expect to make it for the long haul, sure we are going to be grilling, but starting off the day on an empty stomach is just not a good idea.

The Drunkest Weekend of my life... Part 1

(Note: 1.People and or organizations names may be altered to keep the identities of parties associated with this story confidential, 2. this is a condensed version, a full comprehensive version will be in the book, whenever I finish it. 3. I’m recalling this to the best of my memory, there is a video of this weekend. I’ve watched and laughed… I’ve gotten a good deal of detail from this video)

PART 1:

Well Tuesday June 21, Jimmy Buffett will be playing in the Pittsburg area. This is an event that I really take pleasure in going to each year, but I regret to inform everyone that I will not be attending this year’s concert. Fatherhood and actually having a career can get in the way of mid-week “drunkfests”.  Yeah, I know growing into a “mature” adult can interfere with drunken debauchery from time to time.  Anyway, I am a fan of Mr. Buffett and his island escapism experience, but let’s clarify one thing here… it’s not just about the music, it is quite possibly the best tailgating experience that you will ever have in your life! Nothing beats getting all hammered while you’re wearing a grass skirt and coconut boobies. The Buffett experience from 2005 when he played at PNC Park might go down as the drunkest weekend of my life…

“Go the fuck to sleep”, a profane children’s book for adults

                Newsweek magazine has some top five things of the week list in it, please excuse me as I could not find it online and read the actual publication at work and do not have it with me. But number 4 on the list was “Go the fuck to sleep”, a profane children’s book for adults. This on premise excites me, as I have the maturity level as a 4 year old from time to time when it comes to comedy.( I’ll put few links below about this book.)

Borrowing Tucker's Dating Application idea... HAHA

           Reflecting back on my dating years, I’ve done alright, dated (in some occasions) some attractive ladies, even married one. I’ve had the pleasure of “knowing in the biblical sense” some other attractive ladies, and some less attractive ones… come on boys, we’ve all been down that road. But, I do not think I’ve ever gone way out of my league and hit the unobtainable home run with looks. I think I’m an average/so slightly above average looking guy, no supermodel by any standard, but OK. I’ve hovered in that general vicinity when it came to my relations, average to slightly above average, but never that "Holy Shit she is hot!" I think that when I eventually do start dating again I need to hit that Home Run, get the out my league catch. Besides, when you're divorced, isn't it all about the upgrade?

CAN SOMEONE ENLIGHTEN ME ON WHY SOME OF THE FAMOUS “FINE ART” WORKS ARE CLASSIFIED AS ART? PLEASE!!!

          So it is the beginning of the summer season here in Buffalo, and to all of you that live or are from here and have relocated, you know it is the start of the festival season. Here is Buffalo there is a festival for just about any and every thing… food, cultural, ethnicity, art, music, so on and so forth.  According to www.allentownartfestival.com “The Allentown Art Festival takes place in the Allentown Historic Preservation District of Buffalo, New York. Tens of Thousands art patrons visit the Festival to enjoy the beauty of Buffalo's weather in June, the charm and uniqueness of the Allentown area and the quality of the art and crafts presented by the over 400 juried exhibitors.”    

Manners

                A hangover makes good fodder to fill ones soul full of piss & vinegar. I am not exactly the nicest person on the planet but I am respectful of certain things, such as manners. A simple please or thank you can go a long way in this world. If more people had such simple faculties, such as using manners the world would not be such a bad place, and quite possibly the assholes such as yours truly would not be so volatile.

Her lost youth...

                I was out at an annual local drunk-fest today I mean fund raiser today that I attend every year. Good times as always, but it got me thinking a bit. I saw a girl, at our ages I should call her a woman. [Side Note: OK, I have to clarify that I’ve had a few cocktails prior to writing this, so bear with me] She is five or so years older than me, and was absolutely gorgeous when we were younger. Again, she was the hot older girl so she had absolutely no clue who my friends and I were in our youth. Why would anyone like that, at that point of your teenage years, the “hot” girls were into older guys, unlike the youth of today where it seems that the girls chase the younger ones.

Kids...

          Nolan… Oh how I wish you were here buddy. Most people go through life wondering what their purpose is here on earth and never accomplish anything. Now Nolan was our first son who was sadly stillborn and never had the chance to live. The sad part is that he could have been destined for greatness, that little guy accomplished more in the 8 ½ months he spent in the womb that I will or most people ever will in their entire lives. He saved my life… he made a man of me.

Here we go...

5 to 6 years ago I had a brilliant idea to write all of my twisted logic and some funny stories and make it into a book of some sort. Well that lasted about a week with the short attention span that I had at that point of my life. Well other people had that bright idea as well (and they had it before I did if may add, but I was unaware of it) and I am happy to see that that genre has flourished. Tucker Max and his books are fantastic, I’ve met him at a book signing and he was a nice guy, someone who I’d drink with. He has far surpassed any ideas that I may have had, and I bow to the master.