Her lost youth...

                I was out at an annual local drunk-fest today I mean fund raiser today that I attend every year. Good times as always, but it got me thinking a bit. I saw a girl, at our ages I should call her a woman. [Side Note: OK, I have to clarify that I’ve had a few cocktails prior to writing this, so bear with me] She is five or so years older than me, and was absolutely gorgeous when we were younger. Again, she was the hot older girl so she had absolutely no clue who my friends and I were in our youth. Why would anyone like that, at that point of your teenage years, the “hot” girls were into older guys, unlike the youth of today where it seems that the girls chase the younger ones.

                Anyway, as I am in my mid thirties and she is approaching forty if not that ripe age already, I saw her today and I didn’t see that attractive girl that I had seen twenty or so years ago. I saw someone who looked used, an aging nymph trying to hang onto her youth when she was attractive and am sure had guys bending over backward for her in years past. Still out partying after all of these years… how did she get here, has she loved and lost leaving her heartbroken and unable to move on with new relationships? Or was she just a party girl head case that has let her slip through the cracks of life without being relegated to matrimony leaving her out and about trying to use the “cougar” technique to pick up younger guys trying to fill that lonely void in her life?

                Holy shit! Could this be the same path I am following? I was once a crowned prince in this city where I had VIP in bars and people knew who I was when I was out. I was a “somebody” in the nightlife scene, a bar star… But now, here I am in my mid thirties, single and out drinking again. Not everyone knows my situation, or that I am divorced. People might see me out and think, “Wow, that’s pathetic… he is still partying after all these years.” Now I do not go out all that often anymore, but they do not know that. People do not know that I am a dedicated father who gives his all to his son. No, all they might see is some aging guy who might appear to be out partying, clinging to past glories. I no longer have ladies approaching me the way I did in my youth, and the ones that are out are young and might think “what an old creep.” I do not want to portray this image! I like to go out get drunk and act like an ass once in a while, but do not people thinking of me the way I thought of the former beauty queen that I saw tonight.

                It’s not like I am out chasing young ass or anything. But when I’m out I might get loud, yell, cuss, and say inappropriate things… that’s all. The only thing I can think of is just to not give a fuck. I know I do not go out a lot and who gives a shit what others think. Now you might be thinking that this girl might be the same way, not going out all the time. Yeah… right! Again, I do not go out often, but I’ve seen her out on multiple occasions with the same routine… Oh I am a hot cougar; please sleep with me to build my self esteem temporarily. Then she will go on to tell the young lad how hot she was back in the day. He will take the walk of shame the next morning, never call her after he promises to and the whole routine starts all over again.

Again, I might be way off base here on what my thoughts on her are… but I doubt it.