Columns and Answers...

Have you ever read those ‘Life & Advice’ Columns such as “Dear Abby” in the newspaper? If you have not, I strongly suggest that you do... anyone with a sense of humor similar to mine would be able to find these articles to be humorous. After reading these questions, it is not hard to see why these people writing in to columnists looking for advise have relationship issues. Most would be better off seeing a shrink versus writing in to these columnists searching for answers. Regardless, the columnists answer back with a sugar coated answer trying their best to make the person in question feel their best and give them the best advise possible. I think some of these people would be best off being told exactly how it is without sugar coating... They just might not get it otherwise. This is where I fit in. I am going to take some of the questions from the columns posted in the Buffalo News (or wherever they may be syndicated) and answer them as if I was the columnist people were writing in to for answers. I am stepping in to tell these people what they should be hearing in response to their questions... Submit your relationship questions via the comment section below, I will answer them for you in my own unique way.

http://www.buffalonews.com/life/article532252.ece
Ex-Etiquette/By Jann Blackstone-Ford and Sharyl Jupe - 8/24/2011

Post is sign of deeper issue
Q: I have been married to my wife for a year and a half. Today is the third anniversary of the death of her first husband. We share a Facebook account, and this morning she posted a memorial about how much her first husband is missed. I was embarrassed and told her so. We share the account, and I felt stupid. She said she did it for her teenage kids—but there is no mention of “father” in the post. What’s good ex-etiquette here?

A: I hate to be the one to break the news to you... but, you will always be #2 in her heart. In your case there was no divorce or seperation, her first husband passed away and I am assuming that she was still deeply in love with him when this transpired. She probably is still in love with him deep down and this is why she gave you the bullshit excuse of posting this memorial on Facebook for her teenage kids... trying not to hurt you. 

You say that you have been married to her for a year and a half, but this is only the third anniversary of his passing... That only leaves a year and a half from his passing to your marriage to her. That is not much time for her to heal let alone begin another relationship and re-marry. I am divorced and have been away from my ex-wife for a year now and I am still not ready to anoint a title of girlfriend to anyone let alone marry someone again. Divorce involves feelings of love already fading prior to leaving your spouse. Your wife never had that, her husband died... Do you really think she was emotionally ready to move on and into another marriage when you married her? I had a son pass away four years ago and I am not truly over that loss as of yet deep down. For me, the pain of his passing roars its ugly head each year on the anniversary of his passing, so I am imagining that she may feel the same way in regards to her late husband.

As far as her etiquette goes... I have no issue with it. You are a selfish asshole for putting your feelings of embarrassment out there on this topic. You should probably be lucky that you have her at all. She should be able to mourn her late husband, it has to be very painful on her. Let her express her feelings of loss on that anniversary and just remember she never left her husband... she is with you out of misfortune not by first choice.

M.



(No title associated with this question)
Q: I just read about two celebrities who are throwing a party to announce their divorce. How do you two feel about something like this? Doesn’t seem like good ex-etiquette at all.

A: I see that you are referring to Jack White of The White Stripes. I do not think that there is a standard etiquette at all when it comes to announcing a separation. It is awkward to make this decision public no matter how it is done. So in my opinion, good for them for making the best of a bad situation. If you get along with your soon to be ex well enough to do this... all the power to you. Personally I did not get along with my ex well enough to even consider this option. Why not... one last hurrah as a couple before you part ways... Hell, you might even get laid one last time with enough alcohol consumption. I wish I could have done this, I love new reasons to party.

M.



http://www.buffalonews.com/life/columns-advice/article528142.ece
By Patti Novak - 8/20

Boyfriend needs to get motivated
Q: I have been dating my boyfriend for a year, and things are going well. However, he’s 32 years old, uneducated, does not have a full-time job or a car, lives at home with his mother, and is not actively trying to improve his life situation. I am of similar age and have an MBA. I make a very good living for myself, and it is getting frustrating having to pay for all of our dates and drive him around. He doesn’t have savings, credit or any kind of cushion so he relies on his mom to help financially. I knew all of this when we first started dating, but the connection we have romantically is amazing, and something I’ve never felt before, and I want to marry him but I clearly have reservations. What should I do?

A: Congratulations! You are dating K-Fed! In all reality, my first thought here is that you keep him around because he satisfies you sexually since you say “the connection we have romantically is amazing, and something I’ve never felt before”. Translation: He can give you an orgasm... so can masturbation, and it is much cheaper than supporting this deadbeat. There is no other reason to keep someone like this around. Why would he change, he has no reason to... he has it made right now. Tell him no job, no car... no pussy. It is obvious to see he that has gone into his thirties without changing his behavior, so you are just going to have to force change on him. Lay it on the line, tell him that if he wants to be with you, things have to change, he has to grow up and become a man. He will either change his ways if he really wants to be with you, or he will leave you and find another meal ticket. You have a fucking MBA and should be intelligent enough to figure this out for yourself. I am guessing that you have and are just looking to have this feeling reinforced. Man... it is amazing what a woman will deal with if you can make her orgasm.

M.

Ready to date again?

Q: I am thinking of entering the dating scene again; I have been out of it for a couple of years after a bad divorce. How I can be sure that I’m ready for a relationship?

A: First thing is to make sure that you are upgrading... Upgrading is going younger and hotter. First time is for love, second time is for fun. Secondly, you will just know when you are ready. I am guessing that you may have met someone, lets hope it is an upgrade over the ex since there is no point in downgrading. If you have met someone, the fact that you are questioning if you are ready to date or not speaks volumes. It may be time that heals or it may be something about the person you meet, but when you stop questioning if you are ready is when you will be.

M.



http://www.buffalonews.com/life/columns-advice/dear-abby/article524897.ece
By ABIGAIL VAN BUREN - 8/17/2011

Dear Abby: Sometime ago, you printed a letter from one of your readers who was upset over her son’s polyamorous relationship. I didn’t respond then, but now that my triad is ready to come out to my boyfriend’s family (we are out to mine and to my husband’s family), I feel the need to address this lifestyle in your column and ask your advice.
My husband and I have been together 10 years. We started out as swingers. When we met my now-boyfriend, it became apparent that it was going to be more serious than “play” partners. Our particular arrangement is a “V” triad, meaning I am involved with two (husband and boyfriend), but they are not involved with each other.
My boyfriend is extremely important to us in every way. We all work together to make a very smooth-running, loving household.
I want you and your readers to know that this IS a viable relationship with love, respect and, most important, open communication. This kind of relationship— or any, for that matter—is doomed without it.
An estimated half-million people in the United States are part of polyamorous relationships. We’re not freaks in need of counseling, but people who realize that love can grow and that there is an alternative to monogamy.
Abby, I would like to get some tips from someone who doesn’t readily accept this life or even know it’s out there. My boyfriend’s family is conservative and they know he lives with a married couple. We’ve all spent time together, and I think they like me. Of course, they don’t know I’m romantically involved with their son.
What’s the best way to tell them about our triad?
—Nowhere and Everywhere


A: Seriously??? You are a whore, and you use this “Triad” as an excuse to fuck two men while trying to make it sound somewhat respectable. Who cares about the boyfriends family... Have you broke the news to yours yet? If not, do you know the first thing your parents will think when you break the news that you are a slut to them? When they ask you where you met this boyfriend and you respond with “Well, we were swingers Mom and things progressed into...” They are going to think “Where did we go wrong as parents?” Parts of me want to crucify you for being in a relationship with two men simultaneously, and other parts of me want to applaud you steering away from the normal everyday ways of society and not giving a fuck what people think and also for engineering your selfish plan of having two men to utter perfection. Just to warn you in advance... this situation of yours may not end well.

The first thing is I have to wonder is what you, as well as these guys look like... How is is that you have convinced two men to co-habitate within your vagina without jealousy and rage. Are you attractive? It is possible since you have two men completely comfortable sharing you... but I doubt it. Are your men good looking? Again, I doubt it, which is why they would agree to the shared arrangement. I bet your husband has money also. You probably were not satisfied sexually and you did not want to leave the lavish lifestyle so you decided to become swingers to fill that sexual void in your life. Also what are your religious beliefs? I will guess Mormon, you know, with the whole stereotypical polygamy thing they have going on... I really hope I am right because I am thinking you need to relocate to Utah with your current marital/relationship arrangement. But I am also thinking you might be an Atheist.

I am not exactly in tune with the swinger community, since I am not a part of it, but I feel that infringing on a relationship, as you and your boyfriend have done breaks some kind of swinger code. Is it not supposed to be about having an open relationship where you can have sex with others while maintaining your own current relationship? How come there is not a second female involved in this relationship? It seems as if this situation is all about you at this point. You are the only one benefiting from this as you get fucked by two men. Where is the side piece of ass for your husband... or would that make you jealous?

In my opinion, your husband is an open man, I can tell this from the fact that you and him started out as swingers. But, open or not he was faced with the fact that he might be on the verge of losing you when he realized your new arraignment “was going to be more serious than “play” partners.” This may also lend credence to you being attractive as when a guy bags a woman that is way out of his league, he will do ANYTHING to hold on to her... including ignoring the bonds of matrimony and monogamy.

As far as breaking the news to the conservative family... I’m not sure why you are really concerned about it unless you are dreading having two sets of in-laws. If you are open enough to maintain two relationships, you should have no problem opening up and telling this family that you, your husband and their son you have a smaller scale version of the show “Big Love” going on in your household. Point out the positives such as “We are no longer swingers now that we have formed this triad.” Maybe it is that you are actually ashamed of this arrangement... regardless since this is the relationship you have chosen, own up to it and just tell the family to get it out in the open. Let the shame of this situation happen and the subsequent healing begin.

M.