Paris vs Kim: An asshole's take on socialite sex tapes

Celebrity sex tapes are a wonderful thing because you get to see these people in the most primal of acts… sex. On the television in all of their rehearsed glory, you do not get one ounce of what their personality is actually like, they for the most part try to be politically correct and not offend anyone. But, seeing them fuck, which is one of the most personal of moments (unless you are an actual porn star) one can have, you get to see a true glimpse into who they are as a person. This brings me to two of the more infamous socialites of my generation who each have had highly publicized sex tapes… Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian.

I make it no secret that “celebrities” like Paris and Kim drive me insane because I am not completely sure why they are famous. They really do not bring anything to the table besides their looks. Both women are extremely attractive, if any man tells you differently, they’re either full of shit or attracted to men. But, that is not what bothers me. They are not models and they are not actors… What is it they exactly do besides star in reality shows and make sex tapes that entitle them to be famous? Is it that they are born into wealthy families and have not had to earn anything on their own? 

Since each of these two have sex tapes are easily accessible over the internet, so of course, I watched them out of “Morbid curiosity” As any man would do, the thought of who I’d rather fuck has definitely crossed my mind...It’s not like I would kick either one of them out of bed, but if by some act of divine intervention,  this asshole was given the chance to fuck Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian, I think that I’d take Paris 7 times out of 10. I definitely think that Kim is the more attractive of the two, so why am I giving the edge to Paris? The selection simply comes down to effort. I’m giving Kim those three out of ten odds based on looks alone, even though I think Paris gives a better effort. Kim is unequivocally stunning… a trophy fuck. 

The difference between the two socialites sexual enthusiasm is clearly evident … All you have to do is watch their sex tapes and you’ll be able to tell which one of the two is more vivacious. One is a high maintenance diva who gives the impression that simply allowing you to put your penis inside of her is enough and the other may battle some form of self-esteem issues by the way she worships this cock. 

Paris in her blowjob tape, she puts the penis in her mouth with the youthful exuberance of a college girl. She consistently uses her hand to jerk of the penis as well as having her other hand cupping the balls as she is going down on her man. She also appears to have been willing to take the load in her mouth, but he pulls her head off to finish on her chest… to which she offers to get him a towel to clean up afterwards. That is a job well done, Paris! All that was missing in the end was an offer to make a sandwich.

The funny part about the tape is that she calls him “Ray J” while they’re fucking… his real name is William Ray Norwood Jr. The douche-bag wants to be called his stage name during sex? Where does this C-List celebrity get his ego from? If Kim’s performance in her sex tape is an indicator, I can see how she hasn’t crossed over into mainstream acting gigs. Throughout most of the fuck scene, her face is buried into a pillow as Ray J fucks her from behind so the camera he can be the center of attention, not much action going on there… until the end where they are in the missionary position and then she invites him to come up and finish in her mouth, which is a plus.

But, in her defense, Kim may be getting an unfair review here… Ray J, who made the tape, focuses the camera on himself most of the time like a fucking ego maniac. Let’s be serious here, Ray J is more known for being the supporting actor in Kim’s sex tape as well as being Brandy’s brother versus anything else he’s ever done in his career... The tape was all about him in his mind. Where, Paris and her wonderful oral techniques were the main attraction in her tape. With that thought in mind, Kim may have just been in the “hurry up and finish” mode because while she was giving him a blowjob, she looked as if she was giving 110% also using good hand technique while giving him a blowjob. She also was highly aroused while he was going down on her and even states “oh fuck, I’m cumming”, which lends credence to that she could have been done and just wanted him to finish. Then again, if you saw Kim’s performance on Dancing with the Stars, you’d know that she has absolutely no rhythm, which could possibly translate to some lackluster action in the bedroom.

Whatever the case, I am comparing apples and oranges here; I like both fruits, and have no problem enjoying either. Just like how I would have no problem throwing my penis in either one of these socialites mouth, especially since both seem fairly passionate when putting a cock in their mouth. No matter how much I mock Paris and Kim, I’m not kicking either one out of bed… well, not unless I’m done with them. I can only tolerate so much stupidity after all.