Ask an Asshole - Someone had a problem with a waitress.

I really have had no motivation to write lately. As I’ve said before, when I am at peace I am not at my best, I’m simply just there. I cannot write when I am at peace… It’s just not very entertaining and does not grasp the whole asshole concept that I have within my writing. How do I cure this type of writers block? I scan newspaper columns to find what is on the mind of the elitists that I despise so much and the idiots of the world. Here is another Ask an Asshole column!

Waitress gets in on conversation

By Janice Okun – March 6, 2012

http://www.buffalonews.com/life/taste/article750348.ece

Is everybody happy?

No.

There is this matter of the Waitress From Hell:

"Dear Janice: My husband and I went to dinner at a popular restaurant before attending a hockey game. As the waitress approached our table, she overheard us talking about mothers-in-law. She said she had an ex mother-in-law she hopes never to see again, "knock on wood," then proceeded to make a knocking gesture at the side of my husband's head. I could not believe it! What would you have done or said if this happened to you or someone you were with?"

-- Georgia, East Aurora

A. I probably would have laughed because it is so outrageous. At least she didn't connect when she made that knocking gesture. Was she wrong? Of course she was.

Servers hear many fascinating things as they go about their business, but the rule is unless they are invited to contribute, servers aren't supposed to become part of the conversation or react in any way. (See "Downton Abbey," Part 2.)

So, what should be done? I am not Miss Manners but it seems there are two choices.

1) You could ignore the whole thing and pretend she didn't say or do anything. That would have preserved the peace, anyway.

2) Or, you could have said something -- gently. "We're really in a hurry tonight. Please get our orders to the kitchen as quickly as possible." I guess I opt for the second choice. Still, this waitress was probably inexperienced and maybe even a little short in the sensitivity department. Respecting boundaries and all that.

And maybe nothing would help.

Another thought:
That ex-mother-in-law might have a case.

Dear Overly Sensitive,
You’re really outraged about this situation to the point where you were compelled to write into a newspaper columnist, for what reason? To validate your feelings that this server was out of line? Give me a fucking break… Here is a thought for you, get the stick out of your ass.

It is commonly known that the mother in-law topic is something people have a tendency to joke about. Now, maybe this server may have thought she was being funny by joining in to what she may have perceived as mockery. The whole knock on wood gesture/saying is awful in itself and should never be used again, by anyone under any circumstance, so there is no need to spend any more time than this on it. As far as the comment (joke) of “she had an ex mother-in-law she hopes never to see again” was really not funny and may have been inappropriate, but remember, she’s a waitress not a comedian. She was simply trying too hard to be funny attempting to entertain you. That effort does not always yield the best results… case and point.

You may wonder, why was she trying so hard to be funny? Well, it’s simple. She relies on tips for a living, that is how she earns her money… the more entertaining she is, the chances of her getting a better tip is increased, unless you are a perpetually bad tipper. But, you in your pretentious lifestyle would not know anything about this now would you? I’m willing to guarantee that you look down at people who work in the service industry as second class citizens.

While we are on the topic of tips, let me give you one. If you want to avoid situations like this, stay the fuck out of what is considered to be a “popular restaurant”. Many times, places like Applebee’s and TGI Fridays, which might be the kind of establishment you’re referring to, encourages this type of interaction between their service staff and their clientele. Personally, I can’t stand that awful tradition in those types of restaurants where half of the service staff comes around to sings and chant awful songs that make you uncomfortable if they know it’s your birthday. Guess what… I do not go near those fucking places on my birthday because I know there is potential for me to get agitated.

You asked “What would you have done or said if this happened to you or someone you were with?” I really would not have done much besides give a fake laugh acknowledging her effort, and then proceed to mock her behind her back about the terrible joke. This scenario would not have been offensive to me and not have drawn a reaction, nor should it be to you. Your classic elitist overreaction is more offensive to me, which is why I am writing this response.

You call her the waitress from hell, but was your service bad? I doubt it because you would have mentioned it in your letter if it was. She told a bad joke, that does not make her a bad waitress. Get over it... comedians tell awful jokes all the time. The moral of this story is that you need to step back and see this situation for what it is, a case of an awful attempt at comedy. The awful joke was not malicious towards you. It was not targeted at your family members that you happened to be discussing. Do not be so offended about something so meaningless in the grand scheme of life.