Ask an Asshole - A locally based question... This could be fun.

The last blog I wrote contained zero cuss words… it was a rebuttal piece that I had to write defending my city. This next piece that I am writing and you are about to read will not be as politically correct. There will be swearing and harsh opinions… I give you another ‘Ask an Asshole’.

Neck injury complicates sex life

By Patti Novak October 1, 2011

http://www.buffalonews.com/life/article577582.ece

Q: Two years ago, my husband of 23 years was in an accident and broke a vertebrae in his neck. He has recovered about 85 percent of the way, but a big problem that we are facing at the moment is our sex life. Because of his injury, he is unable to perform sexually the way he used to, and it is creating a downward spiral in our relationship.
 
No matter what we try, he can’t become aroused, and it is making me very upset. I know it’s not his fault. I love him very much, and we’ve talked about it at great lengths. He insists that he still loves me and finds me sexy and attractive, and I do believe him.
 
I need some ideas on how I can help him. I know that this is a result of his accident and not a problem in our marriage, but the pressure we put on each other when we try to be intimate just kills whatever we have built up. We have been through so much over the last couple of years, and it is disappointing for both of us that we can’t get through this. What else can we do?
 
—L. D., Buffalo
 

A: So you need some ideas on how to help your husband. There is one and only one suggestion I am giving you... Why don’t you start off by being sympathetic of your husband’s condition, and be there to support his recovery instead of worrying about when is the next time he can shove a cock up your ass.  Your Husband broke his fucking neck and you are upset that he cannot become aroused. Fuck the erection (metaphorically)… you are lucky he is alive.  The 23 years of marriage you and your husband have shared must mean so little to you. Your husband is having medical issues, can’t fuck you the way he used to and you are worried about the survival of your marriage? You are fucking delusional! You are trying to come off as the sympathetic, caring wife, but in all reality… It’s all about you isn’t it Bitch. 

I like how you mention that “the pressure we put on each other when we try to be intimate” and “it is disappointing for both of us that we can’t get through this.”  I can with a great deal of certainty say that the “we” that you refer to is actually you. You probably put pressure on your husband to fuck you, and with his physical condition, cannot live up to these pressures. I am not a doctor, but if he is having a situation where he cannot manage to get an erection, maybe should be inquiring about those erectile dysfunction pills to help the situation and shut you up. The whole possibility of the “we can’t get through this.” part makes me sick… What ever happened to the ‘For better or for worse’ and ‘till death do us part’ bullshit that was a part of your wedding vows? Have you forgotten about that part? I am a divorced man, and it’s this type of selfishness that you display that reminds me of the fact that I will never marry again.

I am going to go out on a limb and say that there is a 0% chance you ever suck your husband’s dick anymore. I’m sure that stopped after the wedding… I was married, I’ve been there. I would also bet that you just expect him to fuck you because it is all about your needs and wants.  You’re a trophy wife aren’t you? I will also guess that your husband has money. If your relationship cannot survive, you will take half of his shit and go fuck some young tool that uses you for your husband’s money that you swindled through terrible divorce laws here in New York State. Here is an idea, you should go buy a fucking Dildo and fuck yourself to relieve your sexual frustration… I hope it’s a giant black dildo, one that would make your parents sick to their stomachs knowing there has been a black penis inside of you. I can picture you come from that type of background… You’ve been married 23 years and you say that “He insists that he still loves me and finds me sexy and attractive”… That puts you in your mid-forties at least. You realize there comes a point in your life where you start to lose the looks and become less desirable right? I would laugh my ass off if he was lying to you and just does not fuck you any longer because the sight of your aging body and possible incisive nagging repulses him. 

That kind of karma would be a bitch wouldn’t it… One can only hope.

M.