Columns & Answers: 3rd Batch

What do Dr. Phil, Dear Abby and I have in common? Well, nothing besides the fact that none of us are qualified to give our opinion in response to these questions people have. Here is the next batch of Columns & Answers... Going forward I might call these pieces “Ask an Asshole”.


http://www.buffalonews.com/life/columns-advice/dear-abby/article537753.ece
By Abigail Van Buren - 8/29/2011

Host owes apology to ailing guests
Dear Abby: I was at a party where guests were exposed to salmonella that was on one of the vegetables served as an appetizer. At least 11 people were affected by it. The hosts talked to only one or two of the people who were affected. Some of us were concerned that the hosts didn’t contact everyone and warn them of what had happened.
Don’t you think they had a responsibility to contact all their guests and advise them of the problem, and even express concern and apologies?
—Sick in California

A: These party hosts absolutely have a responsibility to contact ALL of the guests that were in attendance. Not only is this inconsiderate... it is fucking rude! First and foremost, a phone call should be made to alert the the guests of the situation no matter how embarrassing it is to them. Personally, I know that I am the type of person not to call a doctor if I am not feeling well initially because I never think it is anything serious. With a situation like this, if that type of information is passed along, I would be contacting a physician immediately to ensure that the sickness being felt is nothing serious like salmonella poisoning. Secondly, in my opinion, it is just a common courtesy to make a phone call to let the guests know of a potential illness from the food served. In regards to only calling only one or two of the people that indeed were affected... totally inexcusable. The fact these people had gotten sick as a result of consuming food that was served at the hosts event, whether it is was their fault or not, yields at least an obligatory apology and or get well wishes. Throw away the fact the hosts did not contact the people who were not affected here... These people have a total lack of class by not contacting each and every one of the people who were known to be affected. That disregard for their guests speak volumes of their personality. I hope that you think twice about your relationship with these classless people.

Getting dumped, moving on
Dear Abby: I recently got out of a two-year relationship. He broke up with me without explanation. I’m not over him and it still hurts, but at the same time I am starting to have feelings for someone else. The problem is I’m afraid he’s just the “rebound” guy. What should I do?
—Ready to Move On in Ohio

A: Well if you are developing feelings for the new beau, he might not be a “rebound”. You say you are not over your ex, then why are you talking to someone else? Is it that you think meeting and dating someone else will help you get over the last relationship? You might not be totally healed or over your ex, but developing feelings for someone new is good... it sounds like you are on your way to moving on. Take your time with the new guy, there is no need to rush. If this guy wants to be with you, he will understand that you just do not want to rush into anything and have him ending up as a rebound. I am not sure about your prior relationships, but two years is a significant amount of time... you may always have a place in your heart for this man. But, having a place in your heart for someone does not mean you are currently in love with them. You will just know when the time is right to move on... but, I suggest not calling out the old guy’s name when you are fucking the new guy. That is just an all around deal breaker.

http://www.buffalonews.com/life/columns-advice/dear-abby/article540080.ece
By Abigail Van Buren - 8/31/2011

Daughter’s boyfriend is overexposed
Dear Abby: After a messy divorce, I moved with my 17-year-old daughter “Allie” to Florida. I’m thrilled that she has adjusted so quickly to the lifestyle here. Allie now has a boyfriend, “Shane,” who is 19 and in college.
Shane lives with his parents down the street, and he’s often at our house when he and Allie aren’t in school. Because I work at home, I can’t seem to escape him. When Allie is doing her homework or talking on the phone, Shane swims alone and does a fair amount of “preening.” I have the feeling he does it to gain my attention. The other day, after jumping in the pool, he surfaced without his swim trunks and said the pool jets had ripped them off him. Then he got out of the pool and put them back on in front of me. When I told him I found the situation embarrassing, he shrugged and smiled, leaving me feeling awkward.
Am I a prude, or should I listen to my instincts that something is not right? And what do I say to Shane that will allow me to keep my dignity?
—Taken Aback in Tampa

A: This is scenario is kind of funny. Sounds like a plot in a bad porno movie... Young stud flaunts himself in an attempt to sleep with his girlfriends hot mother. I am going to go out on a limb here and say you are attractive... Congratulations! Why else would a 19 year old be going out of his way to show off his goods trying to seemingly achieve some kind of cougar conquest. Secondly, I know this might cause problems, but you have to tell your daughter that she is not the only member of the family to have seen her boyfriends penis. If he is willing to act like this around his girlfriends mother, how far would he take it around other ladies that might fall victim to this kind of behavior. I am assuming that he is a good looking guy, younger girls are much more promiscuous these days and he could easily exploit this. Do you really want your daughter dating a potential womanizer or exhibitionist? Yeah, I would not either, nor do I blame you. If you want to avoid a situation with your daughter, confront him. Let him know that you are not a fool, you know what he is up to, that his actions are totally inappropriate and that peoples cocks are just not accidentally exposed by pool jets ripping their shorts off. I mean that scenario could actually happen, but its unlikely. It it actually was an accident, tell the kid to buy some shorts that fit properly. Either that or put him in his place, call his bluff on his overexposure and see how he reacts... which I think would be hilarious. He is a fucking teenage boy, just raging with hormones. He has little control of common sense at this age let alone having any control of his dick. You know his youthful inexperience would make him panic like a little school girl because he would not have a clue what to do with you. Either way something has to be said for your sake... but even more, for your daughter.

http://www.buffalonews.com/life/columns-advice/article542880.ece
By Patti Novak - 9/3/2011

Obsessing over that new guy
Q: Every time I meet a new guy, I get obsessed. After a date or two, I find myself constantly thinking about him and compulsively checking my texts, email, etc. When I don't hear from him, my brain goes into overdrive and I cave and contact him, sometimes repeatedly, and I feel like people might see this behavior as clingy. I can't help it. I try to distract myself, but all of my thoughts come back to this new person in my life and how badly I want to talk to and be with him. Am I crazy, or is this normal?
-- K.N., Buffalo

A: I see that someone has abandonment/trust issues here. I bet why you are wondering why guys never stick around long with you... read your question and you should see that the answer is clearly stated. Your a fucking whack job and are in need some kind of counseling and or medication. You have to deal with these trust issues you have going on here or you are never going to keep a man around. Granted some men might not be answering you because they are truly sneaking around with other women, but not everyone is like that. Those type of people are actually the minority. After only a date or two, these men do not owe you much at this point, you are still in the getting to know each other stage. If they do not answer or contact you right away, they might be busy... life has a tendency to be like that sometimes. You are not the only person in these guys lives, they do have family and friends to attend to as well. Also, I think you are lacking some kind of self confidence, this might be why you are so dependent on the new person in your life. It is almost as if these guys are filling some kind of void you have inside of you. Something has to be done to control these behaviors you are falling victim to or else you are going to keep driving men away because they are the ones viewing you as “clingy”. But, I bet you are a good fuck... the crazy ones usually are.

http://www.buffalonews.com/life/columns-advice/dear-abby/article544927.ece
By Abigail Van Buren - 9/4/2011

Faith gap too wide for marriage
Dear Abby: I have been seeing “Randy” for more than a year.We get along great. He makes me laugh and I can envision us sharing the rest of our lives together.
I am an atheist and Randy is a Christian. I have no problem with religion as long as it isn’t being forced on me. However, thinking about a future with Randy, I wouldn’t want his family’s religious views forced on my children, either. I want them to make their own choices when they’re old enough to understand.
Randy wants an “ideal Christian family,” where he raises his children on his terms and with his religious views. I don’t feel children should be forced into something from birth. What can we do?
—A Mind of My Own

A: Well, I am an atheist who was raised a catholic. I actually went through all of the religious sacraments. As I grew into an adult, I had made the choice to to become an atheist. My journey into my own religious beliefs alone tells me that just because a person is raised with certain religious beliefs, that they will necessarily stick with them. You may not want Randy’s religious beliefs forced on your children if you ever get to that point, and I hate the fact I am going to say this... but you are doing exactly what you are trying to avoid. It seems as if you are trying to push the atheism point of view on your future children. With my experience, it was easy on me for someone to feed me beliefs and then discredit it in my own mind as I grew into an adult. If Randy is hellbent on having an “ideal Christian family”, you might be facing some real challenges with taking your relationship to the next level. Someone is going to have to give a little on their beliefs if you want to form a family someday. Religion is a huge hurtle for some people... Randy may be one of them. You need to talk about your future now and figure out if it is time to cut your losses and walk away from this relationship.

Dealing with friend’s insults
Dear Abby: My friend “Kristina” is a great person with a big heart. However, one of her “quirks” is starting to bother me. Kristina is an extremely picky eater who is repulsed by any ethnic food. I am Asian, and if we pass an Asian restaurant she makes comments like, “How can people eat that?” Do you have any suggestions as to how I can respond to her disparaging comments?
—Raised on Rice in California

A: I am an asshole, we all know this, but even I have control of my off beat comments when I am in the presence of certain people. If your friend was truly a “great person with a big heart”, she would be more considerate of your heritage. It is not like she is throwing racial slurs around about Asians so she is not being racist. Is it that she is just fucking clueless and does not even realize she is insulting your Asian heritage with those comments. Or maybe she just really does not like Asian food and you are being over sensitive. Either way, talk to her, let her know these comments piss you off. I am betting she means no harm and that she is just blind to the fact that you might find her remarks to be offensive. At least “Kristina” has not asked you over for a viewing of ‘Gran Torino’ as of yet...that might be an issue.