Road rage exists for a reason...

It’s OK, you can admit it… There are times where you just want to scream obscenities at some fucking idiot while you are driving. It does not make you a bad person, it happens to all of us. There are plenty of things that can piss you off while driving, things like not using turn signals, tailgating, and dipshits merging into your lane without looking to see if another vehicle is there. Road rage came into existence for a reason, and that reason is, some people drive like assholes! For me, the driving experience at times can be as maddening as getting kicked in the balls, then going back for repeated shot to the nuts the next day, and again the day after that aaand the day after that, so on and so forth… It makes me wonder why I subject myself to such aggravation day in and day out. 

The one thing that pisses me off most about driving is that, I may be an asshole, but when I drive, I respect the rules of the road. I am not as aggressive when I drive as I am with other areas in life. I use turn signals, do not go excessively over the speed limit or tailgate other drivers. You may ask why an asshole like me would be so cautious while driving… Well, because when you are driving vehicles that weigh thousands of pounds at high rates of speed, it can be quite dangerous. I would rather be overly cautious, than get into an accident that is completely preventable. You hear of far too many accidents that result in horrible injuries or even death to be an asshole on the roads. 

Driving into work a few weeks back, I was getting close to merging from one portion of the thruway to another, and left enough room between the car in front of me and I to be safe. It was not a huge cushion, maybe 1 1/2 car lengths, because that is about the most room you can negotiate in rush hour traffic. As I was driving along with the minimal space for safety I was able to get myself, someone took my safety cushion as an invitation to come across from the far lane at the last second, which was far too late to merge into the lane safely like a normal person. After cutting me off, this person then gave me a courtesy wave as if I did them a favor by allowing them into the lane. At least this person had the decency to use a turn signal when squeezing in front of me so I had some kind of inkling they were going to cut me off.

If situations like the aforementioned example ever happen to you, and I am sure that they have, have you ever dreamed of confronting the person that cut you off? I have, and with this particular incident, I was lucky enough to live out this dream. It turns out that the person who thought I was letting them in the lane was a co-worker of mine and did not realize it was me they were cutting off. Vanity plates are a dead giveaway to your identity when you run into people with freakish memories like I have. Now, as I knew and liked this person, I took this as an opportunity to fuck with them because I am an asshole and wanted to have some fun with it. Had it been a random stranger, the confrontation would have gone much differently as I would have given them a verbal annihilation. 

Parking lots may be one of the places where I dread driving most, especially at malls, grocery stores and gas stations. People drive where ever the fuck they want in parking lots. It is as if the lines painted on the roads that you are supposed to drive within do not exist. You always have to be aware of what is around you because these fucking idiots come out from any and every angle just trying to take a short cut to the closest parking spot. Maybe some of these lazy fucks should park further out and burn a few extra calories walking to the building. You also have deal with the people who like to walk in the middle of the lane instead of on either side which holds up getting to a parking spot. One day I am going to get behind this type of idiot and lay on the horn hoping that they piss their pants.

The driving experience in parking lots does not end while you are parked either. You have to deal with the assholes that back into your car while parking or slam their door into your vehicle when you are inside where ever you may be. A majority of the time these scumbags do not even have the courtesy to leave contact information when damage is done. People have no fucking respect for other people’s property. It is not our fault that we do not drive pieces of shit unlike some of the trash out there that do not care if their car hits something or gets hit.

While I am thinking about parking, parking ramps can be just as much of a pain in the ass as parking lots. I am not sure why, but people forget that turn signals are still to be used in parking ramps... It makes those abrupt turns these idiots make less of a slam on the brakes moment for everyone else driving behind them. On top of that, you get the morons who go at a snail’s pace in the ramp just to look at every single open parking spot on the lower floors,  the spots all have RESERVED signs on them, hoping to find one that does not have one, because they are too fucking lazy to take walk a few extra steps. It’s kind of like the assholes that get handicapped parking tags when there is nothing fucking wrong with them besides them being obese or lazy. Those motherfuckers annoy me to no end!

Unfortunately, driving is something that I as well as most people, have to rely on just about every single day. We just have to deal with the assholes that are on the roads causing havoc and hope that none of these idiots bring harm to us, our families, friends or our property. Use your middle finger often; let these assholes that they pissed you off. Besides, it’s a great feeling to give someone the finger and let them know that they’re an asshole!