Ask an Asshole: Does anyone have the Maury Show's number?

Reading the "life and Advice" columns in the newspaper can often make me feel like the voice of reason. Sometimes the people that write in to these columns are completely clueless and need an assholes perspective to the world because they are completely oblivious. Other times, like today, I feel like I can give someone the words that they need to hear simply to reinforce what they are already thinking... I give you another 'Ask an Asshole!'

Find out what’s going on with wife: By Carolyn Hax – April 20, 2012

http://www.buffalonews.com/life/columns-advice/carolyn-hax/article819449.ece

 

Dear Carolyn: I’m married with a child and another on the way. I’ve seen a couple of emails on my wife’s phone related to dating websites, like eHarmony.com. After a little investigation, it appears that there is no way to sign up to receive those emails without posting some type of profile.

I am suspicious that she is or was out looking for alternatives. I just don’t know what to do. Should I approach her or, because I don’t know for sure, just let it go? And I don’t know what I’d do if she were out there trolling, as it were. Mostly we seem happy and have a good life. I just don’t know what to think about it.

—Confused
 
Asshole’s Note: I’m skipping right over what Carolyn had to say… If you want to read it, click the link above that directs you to the article.

Dear Confused: I have seven letters for you, DNA TEST! I have to break the news to you, but you might want to contact the producers of the Maury show. Since you are and or were suspicious of your wife seeking “alternatives,” this shouldn’t be breaking news to you.

Your statement of how you “mostly seem happy and have a good life” just screams out that there are issues in your relationship. The word “mostly,” in my opinion, makes me think that you are in denial of a troubled situation… Trust me on this one, I am divorced and may have uttered words similar, if not identical to yours.

Unfortunately, the truth hurts… You would be a complete and utter fool if you did not conversation and mention your suspicions to her, especially when there is a child on the way. Do you want to have a hurtful truth of finding out the child could potentially not be yours in the future when more advanced father and child bonds have formed? Something like that could be potentially devastating to one’s psychiatric state. If it turns out that she did cheat on you with another man, call her a whore, slut, pig, home wrecker, or whatever you want, because that is what she is… but, just do not do it in front of the kids. Doing that is entirely inappropriate on every level.

On the other hand, she could have been completely faithful to you this whole time. But, if you do not get this tension off of your chest, it is going to eat you up inside. It is a difficult conversation to have, but think, it could be the thing that opens the door to making things better in your relationship if she had no inappropriate transgressions with other men. Remember, you have a child (children) at home and they can pick up on hostility or angst in the home between the parents.

You have a suspicion that your wife may have been “trolling,” that suspicion just did not manifest out of thin air unless you are a paranoid individual with trust issues. Basically what I am getting at here is, where there is smoke, there is often fire. If you happen to have this difficult conversation get confirmation that she has not been faithful, get a DNA test done. Not just for you, but for the child as well… it is in the best interest of everyone involved in this situation.